The Confidential

The ACC Sports Blog

23 May 2013
4 Comments

More New Bowls Coming to NCAA Football

It has recently been reported that the Detroit Lions, having mastered the art of running a successful professional football team, are going to sponsor a bowl game in the ultimate holiday destination of Detroit, Michigan.  As a resident of the Detroit metropolitan area, I can make say that without it being offensive, fyi.  In any event, this new Detroit Lions Rust Bowl, or whatever it will be called, has opened the floodgates to numerous new bowls being contemplated/rumored, within even more atypical partners, such as:

  • The Jersey Shore Bowl.  MTV, which was a great channel for music for about 1/10th of its history before delving into worthless television, is looking to once again expand its core operations.  Expect the Big 10–which thinks Rutgers matters to NYC–to be similarly deluded into thinking that this bowl is worth a tie-in.  The AAC, likely to lose the Pinstripe Bowl, should be in the mix.
  • The Amway Pyramid Bowl.  The good news–a friend from 20 years ago wants to chat about a business opportunity.  The bad news–it cannot be discussed on the phone.  That, my friends, is the Amway business model in action.  Well, if you love popular multi-level marketing companies, you are going to love the Amway Pyramid Bowl.  Located in Las Vegas, the perfect location for risky financial decisions of all sizes, this bowl game may feature a Pac-12 and MWC tie-in.
  • The Arthur Andersen/Enron Bowl.  Nothing describes the American dream like Enron–a company that went from 0 to 60 MPH in record speed, creating vast sums of wealth for many.  Nothing describes the epitomy of a collapsed American nightmare like Enron–a company that imploded with even greater speed, to the detriment of many employees that invested in the program.  Well, if the Detroit Lions can have a bowl, why can’t a defunct company and its accounting firm?  Located in Houston, this bowl will be perfect for a C-USA/AAC tie-in.
  • The FEMA Bowl.  With the deficit mounting, it is about time that the government stopped spending money and started trying to earn some back.  Located in New Orleans, this bowl will celebrate the rich heritage of flawless governmental operations in the area.  In addition to helping to finance FEMA operations locally and nationally, the organizers promise that an additional 150 cents of every dollar in revenue generated will also be earmarked for charity.  The SEC and Big 10 are looking at this bowl opportunity.
  • The Hormel Spam Bowl.   When it comes to good eating, Spam is certainly at the top of the list.  For some people.  If you went to college, you may be able to identify the demographic that aligns with this food product.  Well, that demographic appeals to some advertisers.  So San Francisco and Honolulu are actually competing for the rights for this bowl.  Again, look for a Pac-12/MWC tie-in relationship.  But nobody wants to accumulate demographic categories like the Big 10 and its imperialistic network.  So do not count out another game featuring the Pac-12 and Big 10.

Hey, we are just glad that there has not been a rumored Inquisition Bowl sponsored by the Catholic Church.  That would be very disappointing and offensive.  Whew!

If you hear of any new bowls on the horizon, please let us know in the comments section.  Thanks in advance.

 

Posted by acaffrey in Bowls, Football, Sarcasm, Satire and tagged , , ,

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4 thoughts on “More New Bowls Coming to NCAA Football”

  2. M. Caffrey on said:

    In other news, the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl will finally replace the Pac12 with the Mid-Atlantic Conference vs. the Atlantic Coast Conference.

    Moving forward it will be known as the “MAC and ACC’s”

  3. lenvillecards on said:

    I’ve heard about the Gridlock Bowl the Redskins are going to host in DC. Problem is they won’t be able to kickoff because both teams will be fighting over how to toss the coin up.

  4. M. Caffrey on said:

    Although not a postseason bowl, the B1G’s search for additional revenue will include granting sponorship rights to various match-ups throughout the regular season:

    Rutgers vs. Indiana – proudly sponsored by Novartis Pharma, makers of Ritalin, since it will require a healthy dose of meds in order to watch the whole game.

    Illinois vs. Purdue – proudly sponspored by Finished Basements.com.

    Ohio State vs. Penn St. – proudly sponsored by Travelocity, the best site for your vacations.