The Confidential

The ACC Sports Blog

Archive for the month “August, 2012”

18 Aug 2012
5 Comments

North Carolina Academic Probe: Shocking New Details Emerge

(Where FSU Fans Think All The ACC Evil is Concentrated, North Carolina)  Well, the Confidential may end up having the proverbial “egg” on its face.  The Confidential was just defending North Carolina in its academic probe.  However, shocking new details are emerging that suggest the Confidential was, simply, 100% wrong.  Please accept our apology.

The reason for this about-face is that the Confidential was able to obtain a copy of the secret North Carolina Athletic Department’s Course Guide.  Although the Confidential promised its fictional sources not to distribute a copy of the guide, the Confidential does have permission to provide some excerpts.  Judge for yourself just how ridiculous the course offerings were for athletes at North Carolina in recent years:

  • ENGLISH 106: LIMERICKS, HAIKU, and BATHROOM GRAFFITI.  Description: Not just for the Irish, Japanese, and people who use urinals, students in this class will hone their creative skills by writing short, attention getting pieces.  This class involves a midterm, as well as a field trip involving bar hopping so that students to demonstrate their skills in real life situations.  Note: This class is a prerequisite for ENGLISH 107: RAP FOR WHITE GUYS/ADVANCED RHYMING.
  • BIOLOGY 108: NATURE -n- STUFF.  Description: This class provides students an opportunity to check out nature.  Whether you like looking at the sky, looking at animals, looking at plants, or looking at rocks, you’ll get to check it all out in this class.  Note: Now that the Lab requirement has been removed, this class is only 3 credit hours.
  • PSYCHOLOGY 221: STRIPPERS, LEVEL 1.  Description: The strippers series of classes focuses on trying to determine why strippers became strippers, a complex interplay of both psychology and sociology.  The entry level class is tailored so that students can begin to identify strippers and distinguish them from non-strippers.  Note: Class Fee of $50, which provides a 3-month pass to The Chapel Hill Gentlemen’s Club, two non-alcoholic beverages, and one lap dance.
  • STATISTICS 111: SPORTS STATS.   Description: The use of statistics to measure performance in sports is well known.  This class focuses on how to calculate various sports statistics, including (a) simple categories, such as wins and touchdowns; (b) average categories, such as points per game; and (c) advanced stats, such as slugging percentage.  Note: Prerequisite for Sports Stats II, which covers earned run average, QB rating, and win-shares.
  • ART 108: LEGOS(R).  Description: Once merely a child’s toy, Legos are now a well-recognized medium for artistic expression.  Students will have to demonstrate the ability to both secure the blocks together and to do so in a way that makes some sort of sense.
  • COMMUNICATIONS 122: DISCUSSING TV.  Description: Students will have the opportunity to survey and analyze television shows and discuss them with other classmates.  Note: This class requires biweekly 140 character essays to be submitted via twitter and/or text message.
  • HEALTH 114: JOCKS FOR JOCKS.  Description: Beginning with a historical look at the athletic protector and protective cup in primitive times, students will study the evolution of these safety devices as well as the proper way to purchase, wear, and clean same.

And the Confidential did not even bother to print the descriptions for classes, such as HISTORY 155: NEWS TODAY; ECONOMICS 144: AGENTS AND BOOKIES; GEOLOGY 113: GEODES AND MARBLES; and SOCIOLOGY 130: UNDERSTANDING YOUR POSSE.  Needless to say, this curriculum guide truly does call into question the education that athletes are receiving at North Carolina.

Posted by acaffrey in Non-Serious, Sarcasm and tagged , , ,
17 Aug 2012
2 Comments

North Carolina Academic Probe: Much Ado About Nothing?

When it comes to academics, it is hard to argue that the Atlantic Coast Conference is second to only the B1G in academic prestige.  On the football field, the ACC teams have had their fair share of NCAA trouble lately, with issues at Miami and North Carolina garnering the most attention.  An academic fraud situation at North Carolina is even more troubling.  Or is it?

The details of the North Carolina academic issue and its status was recently summarized by ESPN as follows:

But as an offshoot of the NCAA investigation, a UNC internal probe found that 54 AFAM [African-American Studies] classes were either “aberrant” or “irregularly” taught from summer 2007 to summer 2011. That included unauthorized grade changes, forged faculty signatures on grade rolls and limited or no class time.

* * *

A four-member UNC Board of Governors panel is reviewing UNC’s original investigation into the AFAM department. The State Bureau of Investigation is looking into whether any computer fraud, forgery or conspiracy to commit those crimes in the AFAM department took place. June’s faculty report called for an independent commission of outside experts in higher education to take a forward-looking review of athletics and academics at the university.

Meanwhile, the NCAA, fresh off imposing sanctions on the football team for non-academic reasons, is going to have an interest in the North Carolina self-study.

The Confidential does not want to defend North Carolina, but this issue seems very overblown.  About half of the students in these easy classes were athletes.  The idea of classes like “Rocks for Jocks”  was invented long before ESPN and billion-dollar TV deals.  Is one easy class REALLY the end of the world?

Frankly, even a non-athlete can obtain a college degree without ever truly challenging himself or herself.  That is part of the beauty of college–you have a lot of freedom to determine what you want to learn.  Some students become engineers or architects and devote massive effort into difficult undergraduate curricula.  Other students (ahem, the Confidential, ahem) choose to take a broader spectrum of classes (i.e. not challenging themselves sufficiently).  But there is always graduate school.  And part of college is the learning that takes place outside the academic corridors.  So taking one or more easy classes is actually quite normal.

The Confidential believes that the fraud issues are certainly worth looking into.  Athletes’ grades should not be changed.  Everyone has an obligation to be ethical.  But if this is just a matter of steering athletes towards easier classes, it needs to just go away.

 

 

 

Posted by acaffrey in ACC only, Football, Scandal and tagged , , , ,
16 Aug 2012
5 Comments

Big East Contract Negotiations and the ACC

Last week, someone on the Internet reported that the Big East is looking to get $14 to $17 million per team per year in television revenue.  Granted, the Big East is in the catbird seat as the next conference up to market itself.  But to think that the current collection of Big East schools could approach what the ACC is getting is shocking, especially after losing Pitt, Syracuse, West Virginia, and TCU.  If the Big East could land that–and that is a huge IF–what would that mean for the ACC?

First, before we get carried away on what the Big East will get, we should heed the words of Frank the Tank, the Internet’s best blog for discussing conference issues (realignment and business):

Regardless, if there’s any semblance of reason out there, then the truth will likely be somewhere in the middle.  NBC Sports Network effectively needs any type of halfway decent live sports content, so it has a larger incentive to pay a premium to the Big East.  Comcast is NOT a charity, though, as evidenced by the aforementioned Animal Practice interlude to the Closing Ceremonies of the Olympics.  This can’t be emphasized enough: Comcast is going to pay the least amount that they can possibly get away with in order to win the Big East rights.  As a result, that floor is going to be determined by how much interest ESPN and, to a lesser extent, Fox have in the Big East.  If the conference wants to obtain maximum value, then it particularly needs to have ESPN legitimately involved in the bidding process or else Comcast isn’t just going to hand over large rights fees for the hell of it and negotiate against themselves.  In my humble opinion, ESPN isn’t going to want to let NBC Sports Network get the Big East for free, but the guys in Bristol aren’t going to go balls out to retain the Big East, either (and Comcast, who has gone toe-to-toe with ESPN in tough negotiations on many fronts, definitely knows that).  That points to a potential Big East contract that’s in the middle of the high and low figures that have been reported out there – let’s say about $10 million per all-sports school per year and $4 million per non-football school per year.

Plus, the Confidential has always believed that ESPN is genuinely irate that the Big East rejected its offer last year.  It remains to be seen whether ESPN will even allow itself to get into a bidding war with other networks over the Big East.  While Georgetown, Villanova, St. Johns, DePaul and Marquette are situated in nice markets, the lack of a football team renders them somewhat indistinguishable from Atlantic 10 schools.  So it falls on the schools like Louisville, UConn, Cincinnati, Memphis, Temple, and Rutgers to carry the all-sports side of things.  That is not an awful collection of teams, but is it really going to top what the ACC and Big XII can offer in hoops, much less what all conferences can offer in football.  Just not sold on the ratings being there to justify mega-millions.

But if the Big East does land a deal approaching the ACC’s deal, then it is obvious that the ACC is in trouble.  By being locked-in at well below market value, and with conferences like the B1G and Big XII having the ability to negotiate soon, the disparity will be massive.  Seriously, if the Big East is worth $15M per team, the other conferences have to be worth $30M per team.  It will be hard for FSU and other schools to justify being compensated like a Big East team just because the ACC improvidently locked itself in.

And once the first school leaves the ACC, it is not difficult to envision scenarios where there is a greater pillaging of ACC schools by the Big Four conferences (except the Pac-12).  There are no shortage of Internet posts analyzing just how the major conferences would carve up the ACC.  Unfortunately for Syracuse and Pitt, they may have been on the wrong side of this move.  The Big East having the good fortune to market itself at the perfect time might, ironically, be the ACC’s undoing.

Of course, if you are ESPN, you do not want the ACC imploding.  So, again, expect ESPN to make a “take it or leave it” offer to the Big East that will give it a raise, but also keep the Big East from going on the market.  And if the Big East refuses, ESPN will have to just walk away entirely and put its billion dollars elsewhere.  Frankly, that’s a good move.  ESPN does not need to overpay for content.

Maybe the NHL could use that billion dollars?

Posted by acaffrey in ACC only, Conference Realignment and tagged , , , ,
15 Aug 2012
1 Comment

Syracuse Head Coach Doug Marrone on 2012 season: “We will only go as far as anonymous Internet commentators take us.”

(90 minutes south of Canada) Look out Big East, the Syracuse coaching staff is calling in the big guns.  Syracuse Head Coach Doug Marrone addressed the local media with his biggest concerns for the upcoming season and did not shy away from who was responsible for getting his team in position for another post-season run, “Without question we will only go as far as anonymous Internet commentators take us.”

Marrone is loved by real Syracuse fans, who will never forget that he was able to take the big pile of dog doo left behind by Greg Robinson and turn the team into a competitive team in season 1 and a bowl team in season 2.  His popularity peaked in Week 7 of season 3, when Syracuse blew out West Virginia in a nationally televised game to go 5-2.  But the team was unable to win any more games and missed being bowl eligible.  From there, the anonymous Internet commentators began churning out the criticisms and helpful advice.

And Marrone has taken notice.  “If the anonymous commentators on websites like Syracuse.com do not provide us with useful critiques, how can you expect us coaches to make the right adjustments each week?,” Marrone explained.   Athletic Director Dr. Gross added: “The input from our fans, especially the fair weather ones, is huge. I mean, if not for some of the anonymous posters online, then I would have kept Greg Robinson. That guy had two Super Bowl rings and it’s not like you can just walk into a pawn store and buy those.  So I wholeheartedly support Doug’s plan to harness the genius of anonymous Internet commentators.”

Marrone’s plan is brilliant.  Syracuse has hired two graduate assistants to monitor the blogosphere to harvest the great ideas.  He even shared one gem.  A Syracuse.com fan named ScarletNites69 noted that “your teem [sic] sux [sic] because there [sic] offense is the worst ever and will not complete no [sic] 30 yard passes all season.”  So, after spending several hours debating whether the double negative at the end of that comment was a mistake or not, Marrone and his team are fully resolved to rewrite the offense this year to try to complete more of those 30+ yard passes.  No more striving for incompletions and interceptions.

The Confidential’s own research has unearthed several brilliant comments that may or may not end up being utilized by Marrone and his staff:

  • OrangePreTeen11 noted–“our defense would be better if the defense can be where the other offense has the ball more often.”
  • StalkingFrankReich noted–“Not sure why Marrone is beholden to Nassib.  That cute backup Loeb is the real deal–why are we going to waste his talents on the sidelines in favor of a Senior who has never taken Syracuse to even ONE Super Bowl?  How many chances does this guy get?”
  • CuseGramps noted–“Syracuse won a national championship with Jim Brown.  We just need to recruit more guys like Jim Brown.”
  • James1983 noted–“I coached High School football at a big time program.  Marrone just needs to tell these guys to block and tackle.  Obviously, he is not doing that.”
  • Cap_10_Ille noted–“Syracuse needs to pass on 1st down, run on 2nd down, and then pass on 3rd down.  Every series.  That will keep the defense off guard.  If they run on first down even once this year, I am cancelling my season tickets.”

“Everyone knows that the most talented and experienced advisors are not wasting their Saturdays and Sundays on the sidelines,” added a rival coach who preferred to remain anonymous, “but instead are impressing their friends and family with their superior knowledge of sports from the comfy confines of their livings rooms.”  Other top-tier programs have secretly relied heavily on call-in radio shows to get expertise advice on how they should have played the game better, but Syracuse has upped the ante.  Look for big things from Syracuse this year.

by Anthony Caffrey & Matt Caffrey

Posted by acaffrey in Football, Sarcasm and tagged , , ,
12 Aug 2012
1 Comment

Duke Forms Committee to Consider Upgrading Football to FBS-Level

(8.86 Miles From Chapel Hill, North Carolina)  Duke University President Dick Brodhead has announced that the university will be forming a committee to consider upgrading the football program to FBS-Level.  The committee will be chaired by former Duke great good, quarterback Anthony Dilweg.  Dilweg, now a successful real estate businessman, will have to “quarterback” a committee considering all the various pros and cons of the upgrade.

Duke actually does have some experience at the FBS-Level, even making it to a few bowl games.  In 1994, Duke played in the Hall of Fame Bowl, just five years after playing in the All-American Bowl.  And, in 1960, Duke played in the Cotton Bowl, a 7-6 barnburner between two 8-3 teams.  This is noteworthy because the Cotton Bowl still exists!  But to make it to bowl games in the modern era of corporate-sponsored bowls, Duke’s upgrade is going to be daunting.

Any good business move requires putting the right team into place.  The Confidential suggests that, if the committee does approve an upgrade,  Duke should consider employing some or all of the following:

  • Someone to run the school’s host program AND not be foolish enough to use actual Duke co-eds to do it.  Duke may need to employ professionals here.
  • Someone to oversee modifying the schoolwork/football balance to a more North Carolina State-y level.  No need to go all out on the cheating like North Carolina, but at least scale back some of that academics crap.
  • Someone to create, implement, and subsequently ignore the free sneaker program.  Do we need to even joke about where Duke should poach this person?   (some FSU fans are a little slow, so, even though this joke expired 10 years ago… YES, we meant FSU!)
  • The standard cocaine/car/prostitute liaison.  Vice = success.
  • Depending on how many rules Duke is comfortable violating, maybe just hire Lane Kiffin or Pete Carroll?  USC has shown that private universities can bend the rules as much as any state school.
  • A couple “coaching” jobs for Dads of real good players. That’s always a big hit on the recruiting trail.
  • A person to muzzle Dick Vitale.  Not going to help the football team directly, but there has to be a karmic benefit here.

Clemson is dabbling with a “scholarship for you and a buddy” program.  Duke might want to consider that too.  A successful football program at the FBS-level must be a little creative.

Quite obviously, Duke has a lot to consider before making the upgrade, and even more to consider if that is the decision is to go forward.  But it would be worth it to see a future generation of Duke football fans get to experience a bowl.

Cool Daily and Weekly Fantasy Baseball Leagues!

Posted by acaffrey in ACC only, Football, Sarcasm and tagged , , , ,
10 Aug 2012

Today in the A.C.C. (August 10, 2012)

The Confidential had some fun yesterday at the expense of the Atlantic Coast Conference, but today it is back to the uber-serious ACC news.  Here is what is going on in the ACC for August 10, 2012:

Well, everyone plans to retire (except for 40% of transition baby boomers).  The real news here is that Phillips plans to do so soon–specifically, at the end of his term in July 2013.  So now Clemson must find a brand new A.D.  Or at least one that is less than retirement age.  Clemson President James F. Barker indicated that a national search for a replacement will be launched this fall, with the hopes of having a successor in place before Phillips’ contract ends.  Barker also had a slew of positive things to say about Phillips.  It is butt-kissing, funeral-quality stuff, so go read the ESPN article to get the flavor.

  • If you are an ACC school, or plan to be in 2013, chances are you are after an offensive lineman from Rochester, New York, named Alex Officer.

Actually, this was reported in ESPN’s “rumors” section, with a link to a Scout.com website that the Confidential is not yet “liquid” enough to subscribe too.  The upshot is that Syracuse, Pittsburgh, Boston College, and Virginia Tech are already after this guy.  Not sure where Randy Edsall is on this one.

This article also goes way out on a limb in projecting Duke and Wake Forest to be in the cellar of their respective divisions.

Posted by acaffrey in ACC only, Football, Today in the ACC and tagged , , , , , , ,
09 Aug 2012
2 Comments

ACC Revises Florida State’s 2012 Football Schedule to Accommodate TV

(SOMEWHERE IN NORTH CAROLINA)  In an attempt to placate its overlord television partners, the Atlantic Coast Conference is finalizing its 2012 football schedule.  Unfortunately, this will lead to some changes, with the Florida State Seminoles being conspired against receiving their fair share of exciting new changes.

First, because nobody cares about the Maryland Terrapins football team now that Randy Edsall has brought his bumbling. yawn-inducing style of football to College Park, ESPN has requested that the September 22 FSU-Clemson game be swapped with the November 17 game between FSU-Maryland.  Nobody wants to watch a beatdown like that in November.  Unfortunately, it just so happens that the circus is in Tallahassee on November 17, so the FSU-Clemson game must now become a road game for the Seminoles.  In exchange, the FSU-Maryland game becomes a home game for Florida State, which should appeal to fan bases of both schools as FSU fans get to watch a victory live, while Terps fans get to avoid having to watch a loss live.  Win-win-win.

Second, in a brand new marketing scheme, the October 6 FSU-North Carolina State game is also going to be moved to later in the season.  In fact, it will not even be in 2012.  Instead, the game will be played as part of a groundbreaking football/basketball doubleheader on January 29, 2013.  FSU-NC State will kickoff on ESPN at 7:00 p.m.   At 9:00 p.m., ESPN will switch its coverage to a North Carolina-Duke hoops game.  The FSU-NC State game will shift over to ESPNU or something at that point.  Dick Vitale is already excited!

Third, Duke and Florida State will play in the first “M.A.D.D. Bowl.”  In an effort to show that college football, tailgating, and alcohol do not have to go together, these two teams will kickoff at 7:00 a.m.  Also, nobody will be allowed to enter the stadium with a detectable Blood Alcohol Level.

Fourth,in response to Florida State’s protests regarding the scheduling of Thursday road games, the Atlantic Coast Conference has agreed to change the November 8 Thursday game between Virginia Tech and Florida State to November 10.  That way, Florida State does not have to play on the road on a Thursday.

Finally, to ensure adequate Thursday exposure and provide Florida State a home game on that day of the week, the October 13 home game against Boston College will be shifted to Thursday, October 18.  This is nice for Florida State fans, who get to watch the team play on that date, and then make the short trip down to Miami on Saturday, October 20, for a rivalry game against the Hurricanes.  It is going to be an exciting week for Seminole fans.

To recap, here is the final schedule for FSU (changes in bold):

  • Sept 1, Murray State: 6:00 pm
  • Sept 8, Savannah State: 6:00 pm
  • Sept 15, Wake Forest, 12:00 pm
  • Sept 22, Maryland, Time TBA
  • Sept 29, @ South Florida, Time TBA
  • Thursday, Oct 18, Boston College, 7:00 pm
  • Saturday, Oct 20, Miami, Time TBA
  • Saturday, Oct 27, Duke, 7:00 a.m. (M.A.D.D. Bowl)
  • Nov 10, @ Virginia Tech, 7:30 pm
  • Nov 17, @ Clemson, 7:30 pm
  • Nov 24, Florida, Time TBA
  • Wednesday, Jan 29, 2013, @ North Carolina State, 7:00 pm

The ACC made this official announcement regarding the scheduling changes: “In conjunction with someone from the State of Florida, presumably a Florida State fan, the Atlantic Coast Conference and ESPN are pleased to announce the finalization of the ACC football schedule.  We are also pleased that this finalization process did not impact the majority of Florida State games or in any way benefit the State of North Carolina or its member institutions.  No, we are not being defensive.  You are the ones who are being defensive.”

Florida State has yet to issue an official comment.  The Florida State blogosphere is, as usual, apathetic about things involving the football team.  Not when basketball season is just three months away…

 

 

SPONSOR NOTE: Play Daily Fantasy Baseball Here!

Posted by acaffrey in Football, Sarcasm, Uncategorized and tagged , ,
08 Aug 2012

The Confidential Promises More Satire

So far, a few thousand people have read the Confidential’s satirical Miami penalty post.  While the Confidential aims to be a source of important information regarding the ACC and its teams, it also does not shy away from farther reaching sports issues and controversial opinions.  But the popularity of the Miami post suggests that, perhaps, the Confidential should also take care to ramp up its sarcastic/satirical posts.  So the Confidential promises to do so more often… maybe even a weekly feature on Thursdays or Fridays.  Check back often.

And thanks for the positive feedback.

Posted by acaffrey in Uncategorized
08 Aug 2012

Today in the A.C.C. (August 8, 2012)

Here is the latest that is happening with the Atlantic Coast Conference, as of August 8, 2012.

  • Previously, the Confidential noted the unfortunate circumstances surrounding Duke WR Blair Holiday.  Actually, it was yesterday, but whatever.

In a classy gesture, the Duke football team will be wearing a #8 on their helmets to honor him this season.  Good for them.  But if YOU want to do something, how about giving a donation to the fund set up to assist him: “For information on how to contribute to the The Blair Holliday Recovery Fund, visit www.giveforward.com/theblairhollidayrecoveryfund.”

  • In Miami, Ray-Ray Armstrong is not accepting his dismissal from the team without a fight; instead, he has lawyered up.

Armstrong’s counsel plans to file an injunction to force the “school to allow Armstrong to practice with the team until the NCAA determines if he has violated any bylaws.”  Of course, Armstrong’s counsel also noted that Armstrong has a lengthy history and was dismissed based on a few different incidents.  Still, it will be Armstrong’s contention that Miami has dismissed Armstrong just to make itself look better while the NCAA ponders just how much of a penalty Miami deserves.

  • In basketball news, Boston College has offered a scholarship to Chicago-area forward Evan Boudreaux.

The 6-foot 7 forward plays for Lake Forest high school.  Even if he chooses Boston College do not expect to see him any time soon–he is only a 15-year-old sophomore.  Nevertheless, he seems to have acquitted himself well against decent competition recently.

 

 

Posted by acaffrey in ACC only, Basketball, Football and tagged , , , , ,
07 Aug 2012
1 Comment

Today in the A.C.C. (August 7, 2012)

Well, the Confidential jumped the gun a bit yesterday, calling it September in a few different places.  Rest assured, it is still August.  In any event, here is what is going on around the ACC today:

  • Hud Mellencamp, son of the famous singer John Mellencamp, is a walk-on for the Duke football team.

Mellencamp did not play football in high school football.  Nevertheless, Duke is letting him serve as a walk-on defensive back.  Maybe Florida State fans have a legit gripe about the rest of the ACC not taking its football seriously.

  • Speaking of Florida State, they are just thrilled to have stolen a tight end from Penn State, Kevin Haplea, and are not too worried about losing cornerback Greg Reid.

According to ESPN, “the Seminoles recruited Haplea out of high school in Annandale, N.J., but he chose Happy Valley over Tallahassee.”  However, he did not live happily-ever-after (pun intended) in Happy Valley, seeking out Florida State when the NCAA issued its sanctions.  FSU’s Jimbo Fisher was quick to clarify that point–Florida State did not contact Haplea, it was the other way around.  In any event, Penn State’s loss is Florida State’s gain.

Fisher is also confident that the team has the players to replace Reid, who was dismissed from the team after being charged with marijuana possession.  Kudos to Florida State, they are doing it without taking any Penn State players too.  Instead, they have a whole host of players that will audition for Reid’s spot.  All is well, apparently.

 

Posted by acaffrey in ACC only, Football, Today in the ACC and tagged , , , ,

Post Navigation

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →