Budget-Strapped Rutgers Hires Undocumented Immigrant as Head Coach
(Satire-burg, NJ). The Big 10 went bargain shopping went it dangled membership in front of cash-strapped Maryland and Rutgers. The B1G’s spare change was more than enough to have those two schools running around giddy like Julia Roberts shopping on Richard Gere’s dime in Pretty Woman. But Maryland and Rutgers are reportedly not receiving a full share just yet. And both schools now need to make coaching changes despite the tight economic circumstances. For Rutgers, unfortunately, the budget for a football staff is not what it used to be. Thus, Rutgers has hired an undocumented immigrant as its new head football coach. There are no details on the name of the new hire yet.
As we all know, immigration is particularly controversial. On the one hand, you have Democrats like Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders in favor of opening the doors to all immigrants for all reasons. On the other hand, you have Democrats Republicans like Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio in favor of opening the doors to all immigrants for all reasons. The “divide” on this issue will cause billions of dollars in political ads to ruin your life for the next 12 months. And then there is Donald Trump, who wants to do some things that make all of the above angry at him. Good times.
But what seems to be the prevailing wisdom (i.e. likely not true) is that immigrants, particularly undocumented ones, are at the very least willing to do jobs that non-immigrants are apparently unwilling to do. You can think of some examples. And then add to that list–coaching football for Rutgers.
The challenges are heavy for any Rutgers football coach. First, Rutgers is an ongoing dumpster fire. See here and here. And that was before the school launched an investigation into its head coach for various and sundry things. Second, Rutgers is in a division with Ohio State, Michigan, Michigan State, and Penn State. That’s all. Third, the hire will be working for an A.D. that is coming over from the law school. Because, yeah, there is no better training ground for an athletic department than running a law school. Finally, it is Rutgers.
Although little is known about the new hire, he reportedly has a long history of playing futbol. Apparently, from the time he was 5, it has been his passion. And, in all candor, he was willing to take the job. For Rutgers, however, the big selling point is that he is willing to not only take the job, but accept a very reasonable salary to run the football program for at least a year. And with that, a match was made.
It will be interesting to see if Rutgers can turn this action into a success. If so, look for other cash-strapped Universities to follow Rutgers’ lead. Or perhaps take it one step further by outsourcing the assistant coaching responsibilities to India.
At least there may be a reason to watch Rutgers next year.
Nah.
“Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses, yearning to breath free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore, Send these, the homeless, tempest tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door. Oh, and please no ISIS. And perhaps a Rutgers coach.” Image courtesy of https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Statue_of_liberty_01.jpg
It is being reported that ESPN News is going to broadcast the amnesty selection of highly-recruited leaker/traitor, Edward Snowden, the former government contractor that leaked confidential information from the NSA. 
The Confidential 
